Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
