he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
