How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
