fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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