The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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