If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
