My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
