No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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