So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
