He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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