you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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