I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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