i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
