I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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