i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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