he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
