You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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