is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
