how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
