One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
