Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bet he comes in French.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
