oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
