Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
