I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize