Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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