i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
