At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
