His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love how my cats smell like pot.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
