my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
