i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
