i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Two words: blizzard sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
