I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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