I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
