On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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