Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
