don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
jump out the window naked night went bad
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