Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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