it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
