I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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