Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she woke up with a sticky ear
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
