btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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