even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
