did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
