Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
