i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
