I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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