my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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