sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
