You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
