Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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