my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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