ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
