Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
