the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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