I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
