My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
