So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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