ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
