He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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