Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
